I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Damn victory sex feels great
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
