I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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