shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
