My underwear smells like fireworks.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
