What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
