so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
