how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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