i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
