i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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