I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
