Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
