so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
