i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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