mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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