Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
