Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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