so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
