Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
