Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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