I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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