just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize