it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
