some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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