my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
