I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
