I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize