Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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