my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
