Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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