I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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