What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
