I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Slut skills are useful in every country.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
