if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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