A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
im about as happy as oj after his trial
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
