omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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