The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
