Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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