I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
