dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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