So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Randomize
