yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
