so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize