The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
