I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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