i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
