Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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