Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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