So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
