Welp...herpes.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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