I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
