____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Let's get the cat blown out
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
