Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
