Sry I called you an 8
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
