I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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