Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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