You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
