She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Someone signed my nipple.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
