1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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