The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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