the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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