They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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