If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
